Blog — Grassfields

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The unbearable struggle to find a place in the world

20th March 2026

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This post is extremey pesonal.

My whole life until I was about 18 has been pretty much an easy answer to the question; Why am I here?

I had clear in my mind and soul that I was going to be a pro triathlete, dedicate my whole life to it and bet big on it. My whole identity since childhood was built around this. I remember bringing to school trophies I would win and get recognition/be known for being the athlete in class. Long story short I ended up deciding I would move to the US and take advantage of a scholarship offer there. Just as I had everything set COVID hit. COVID hit but had no mercy on my inmune system, I developed a rare autoinmune condition called ITP which basically destroys your blood platelets. This meant spending my 18th yr old summer in the hospital and having to renounce from one day to the other to my future plans and what was my passion.

I was beyond devastated, I think I have never felt so hopeless in my life. Having to deal with a condition so RANDOM and cruel when I had only taken care of my body meticulously and had so many plans and purpose for my future was brutal on my psyche. I had to deal with taking experimental drugs,tests and finally doctors landed on a subcutaneous shot that basically sends my platelet production into overdrive. Facing mortality at such a young age and in such a slow paced manner gave me time to reflect on what I had done so far,accept that life might just not be the same anymore and adapt to my new conditions. I think there is where my "old-self" died.

In a macabre and ironic way as sometimes life is. One of the very first days I got out of the hospital I watched a friend die in a very dramatic way, his family was also there to witness it. Experiencing this took me down to a place of humility. His death reminded me that even though I had a major setback, I still was alive and that day I promised myself I would take every chance I got to experience life. Because as cliche as it sounds, one day its over, and all those things you go through in a 3month hospitalisation come back at you liike a punch in the gut in the form of: Regrets, things unsaid, chances missed and loss of potential.

So I put my best energy into life from then. I have been blessed enough to encounter and re-encounter friends, say the things from the heart I kept before, grow as a person. Experience nature as I could have never DREAMED of with some of the best people I met so far, make mistakes and not regret making them. God...how beautiful life is with its trials

Now at 23 I am still healing from wounds, trying to get to know myself better. I know eventually I will find my place in the world and that my story is still to be written but some days its hard to wake up or look in the mirror while lost. What is it now that I came to do here? God if youre out there you know well I have fired more bullets than I can count, and I feel like soon comfort and responsibilities might squander my time to leave something meaningful behind.

Thanks for reading this, I hope you have a great day and life is kind to you aswell. Because all of this experiences are lessons and we are still here.

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Keeping up with the site

16th March 2026

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As I keep building features the site feels more complete, these days are very busy and keeping up with the site is proving to be challenging but I know I can handle it and also enjoy reading all the flowers planted here. I am now trying to think of a way to add more meaning to this corner of the internet, I have some ideas just have to figure out how to put them into reality.

I am really looking forward to this weekend to hopefully go on a hike near where I live, there is so much greenery now and I know soon here in southern Spain it will be gone until next "Winter".

Happy you are here reading, have a great week!

Grassfields so far, breaking the ice

March 2026

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Writing this from a hotel. I have to travel a lot for work and it has made the amount of flowers coming in a bit overwhelming especially since I had to tweak some backend for it yesterday late at night.

Overall I feel like lots of people are liking this idea and leaving very meaningful thoughts behind. Most are genuinely moving and to have the privilege to host them here forever is such a responsibility that I can only say thank you for supporting it and giving your feedback. All of this has given me some hope that I can bring something valuable in a creative way to the world and I have something to show for in my life aside from academic or other personal achievements, which in most cases only added value to my own life.

Lately I have been thinking a lot on how we spend all of our lives working. Most of the work we do has no further transcendence or your "signature" and lets not talk about people appreciating the work you do. How everything falls behind a corporate entity and you are just a number as soon as you hit the grave.

What really has been in my mind after building Grassfields is what my future children and grandkids will think of me once I am not here. Where can they go to find out who their grandpa was, what he thought, did and stood behind.

I wish I could do the same for my grandpa, to know him better. I remember spending hours asking him for stories from his childhood and for me there was not a topic more interesting than this. My grandpa grew up poor after the war and managed to build a small local business that is still being run by my uncle. All the hardships he faced are now inspiration for so many people in my family. In my case I was lucky enough to be born comfortable but still get lessons of discipline and resilience from him.

Anyways this post is getting a bit long and I will have the time to share some more context about me and my story. So far I am happy you are here, and wish you a great day.